I have just returned from my first jog of the season.  I mean like an outdoor jog—not running in place in the apartment or stepping up and down off a chair.  Well, turns out running is a lot more strenuous when you're actually propelling yourself forward.  All winter long I thought I was maintaining that level I got to in the fall where I could go 45 minutes at a stretch.  Today I had to stop short of half that. It's gonna be a looooong road back...

Hey, it's harder because I'm a lot fatter now!  I overshot my weight gaining goal.  I wanted to be heavier in order to have more impact in the world.  But now I can't fit into my clothes, so I'm working my way back down... I hope.  Or maybe I'm fat for good.  The pasta pockets on my waist don't seem to be going anywhere.  

Probably I should be 180 pounds.  I'm 6 foot 1... Barack Obama is 6 foot 1 and he weighs 180—and that's worked out okay for him. Tiger Woods is also 6 foot 1, but he's 185.  (5 pounds fatter because he's not as disciplined as Obama.)  But they're both eminent guys who've made a mark in the world. And so it follows that I too may achieve great things if I can be 6 foot 1, 180 pounds, and half African-American.

As you may have already guessed, I have decided to adopt a superficial lifestyle.  Superficial is just like beneficial, only it's even better.  It's super!  I've been doing the eat-better-try-to-exercise thing for a while—and no doubt that's beneficial and all... But to get truly superficial I think I'm gonna need some better clothes too.  Also possibly an iPhone.  And a makeover. Maybe if I hang out near Rockefeller Center if I could get Ambush-Madeover on the KLG & Hoda show.  

I don't know what they'd do about my hair though.  I'm about ready to give up on the whole "having hair" thing.  All my life no one ever told me what I was supposed to do with my hair and now I'm losing it so there's nothing to be done and I know the conventional wisdom is to shave it all off or cut it really short but I can't do that because my head is such a weird shape so I just have to go around looking dissheveled which is distressing because I'm very superficial these days.       

Musings Past