you work in the field of musical theater, there are certain questions
that come up again and again... musical questions. I get asked these
same questions all the time, usually at auditions, by a performer
gazing intently over my head at the wall behind me. So in the public
interest, I've taken the time to compile a list of some of the most
common questions, and to provide the answers for them here.
Q: What kind of fool am I?
You are the kind of fool with a fondness for musical theater, and an
What do you want of me?
I want your approval, your adulation, your adoration. I want you to
listen to my songs and come see my shows. I want you to read my
occasional musings and find them witty or wise. I also kinda want your
Q: Who will buy?
A: You will, if you're a performer and there's a song of mine that you
What more do I need?
You might also want to get one of the Audition Cuts books. What are you
gonna do if the guy right ahead of you sings the exact same Jason
Robert Brown song you were gonna sing? You need some songs in your book
that no one else has...
Q: Do you hear the people sing?
I can't promise I'm gonna come see you perform if, say, you're singing
"Highway Miles" at a cabaret in Cleveland. But sometimes people post
things to YouTube, and then I *do* hear the people sing.
Do you love me?
Possibly. After all, it was awfully sweet of you to seek me out on the
Q: How could I ever know?
can't. It's hard enough even to know our own hearts, let alone someone
Why God, Why?
A: Because, someone could flat out tell you how they feel, but then
they might be lying to you, lying to themselves, or just mistaken. You
still wouldn't know...
Q: What's the use of wond'rin'?
I've found it's a good way to fill those long waking hours of the day.
Why can't you behave?
Q: Have you met Miss Jones?
Do you mean Liz Jones? I just went to her wedding not too long ago. So
actually, she's a Mrs. now.