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Oh, I know—you ain't heard yet.
She ain't said not a blessed word, I bet.
But you see, me and Margaret, we're supposed to wed.
Don't hurt me!
Then it was, you sashayed up.
All at once, she wants to trade up.
People say her mind is made up to marry you instead,
Desert me!
Sometimes I wish I weren't the good god-fearin' kind,
'Cause then I'd have the courage to shoot you from behind.
I won't though.
Thought I might inform against ya,
Get you sent to the penitentiary.
Figured if it took all century you'd hunt me down for dead.
But then a new plan popped into my head...

I bought a first-class ticket for the next train out of town.
Leaves tomorrow from the depot,
I'd be glad to drive you down.
Oh, yes it's all yours—take it!  Don't a prince deserve a crown?
Plus a first-class ticket out of town.

Every girl loves a rover,
The ones who walk the whole world over,
The vagabond, the cattle drover, wanderin' astray.
(Now that's romance!)
You're the kind always pullin' up stakes,
Leave behind a string of heartbreaks.
I don't mind, except, for God's sakes, you're not supposed to stay.
(He's got no chance!)
What hope have I of givin' the ladyfolk a thrill?
Ain't got nare Pap left livin' that I can try to kill!
(Please, Mister!)
Ain't you got the powerful itches
To see the world and to claim its riches?
How about a pair of britches to speed you on your way?
And there's more that's in it for you if you leave today...
Come on—what do you say?

This here's a first-class ticket on a train that's westward bound,
'Cause I reckon I rank second to an outlaw so renowned.
Oh, it was real slim pickin's 'til the day you come around.
So I'm countin' on this, then,
To make the pickin's slim again.
You wouldn't want her anyway.
You two'd be fightin' night and day.
You'd surely get each other's goat,
Forever at each other's throat.
And plus I'll throw in this here coat
If you take that first-class ticket out of town.

© 2009 by Peter Mills