bludgeoned
01.12.09

This is the blog I was gonna write two days ago, but didn't because I was concerned that all I ever have to blog about is my aches and pains. Nevertheless, I had the blog all written in my head, complete with this nifty title. But then at the last minute I thought, "Nope. Too whiny." So I pulled it. Kind of the same thing that always happens to me with facebook status updates. I come up with something that seems fantastically clever to me, but then right before I hit "post" I stop and examine my motives... Why do I want to say that? What am I trying to make people think? My motives are never good. So I delete. Such was to be the fate of the bludgeoned blog.

But then today I get my magazine in the mail, and lo and behold, there on page 27 was an article about the online Scrabble craze. And with the article there's a drawing of a Scrabble board. And on that board, a word has just been played. And what is that word?? Bludgeoned! Well if ever the world was trying to send me a sign, here it was. So now I'm back at it, finally typing up the blog that's been on mind for the last few days.

For the last couple years, I've had some problems, mostly with my right arm. There's been sort of a tennis elbow-y thing going on... occasionally combined with an upper-back/shoulder ache. Mostly, it was a dull, background kind of thing, though it would flare up a bit whenever I had to shlep luggage around or move heavy things. No big deal, I thought. This is just getting older. I'm going to have aches... But lately something new and more serious seems to have developed. For starters, Cara has it too now. She's got her own shoulder ache, symmetrically opposite to mine, on her front left. Meanwhile, my ache has suddenly gotten more intense. It saps my energy... and my will to live... to the point where I don't do too much these days except think about how I can fix this. And Cara's seems to be worse even than mine, because she's actually making a doctor appointment... something which I can't quite bring myself to do yet. I'm hoping whatever the doctor tells her might help me too.

We're not exactly sure what's causing it. (Or whether we even have the same problem, really...) We both seem to have some pain now when we try to sit at the computer and work. But even more than that, we wake up in pain. We wake and ache! In fact, that's when it's worst. Are we sleeping wrong? If so, why would this suddenly have started happening to us? What changed? Cara had the idea that maybe someone was sneaking into our bedroom while we were sleeping and bludgeoning us. It makes a lot of sense, let me tell you, because it's her left side and my right... so it seems as though our nocturnal assailant just comes in and beats on the middlish part of the bed, and that's where he gets us each.

The other day, not long after Cara had proposed this theory a scary thing happened. It was late at night; Cara was already asleep, and I was drifting off, when suddenly I heard the sound of a door creaking open! In my hazy, half-conscious state, the sound sent my heart into palpitations. Was somebody coming into our bedroom?? Was I about to come face to face with some baseball bat-wielding Bludgeoner? In a panic, I sat bolt upright and looked around. Nothing. All quiet. And then, just as suddenly the sound of a door slamming again. Only now I was a bit more awake; now I understood. It was just my computer out in the other room. Stupid AOL with its buddy list sound effects!

Musings Past