I have just returned from my
first jog of the season. I mean like an outdoor jog—not
running in place in the apartment or stepping up and down off a chair.
Well, turns out running is a lot more strenuous when you're
actually propelling yourself forward. All winter long I thought I
was maintaining that level I got to in the fall where I could go 45
minutes at a stretch. Today I had to stop short of half that.
It's gonna be a looooong road back...
Hey, it's harder because I'm a lot fatter now! I overshot my
weight gaining goal. I wanted to be heavier in order to have more
impact in the world. But now I can't fit into my clothes, so I'm
working my way back down... I hope. Or maybe I'm fat for good.
The pasta pockets on my waist don't seem to be going anywhere.
Probably I should be 180 pounds. I'm 6 foot 1... Barack Obama is
6 foot 1 and he weighs 180—and that's worked out okay for him.
Tiger Woods is also 6 foot 1, but he's 185. (5 pounds fatter
because he's not as disciplined as Obama.) But they're both
eminent guys who've made a mark in the world. And so it follows that I
too may achieve great things if I can be 6 foot 1, 180 pounds, and half
As you may have already guessed, I have decided to adopt a superficial
lifestyle. Superficial is just like beneficial, only it's even
better. It's super! I've been doing the
eat-better-try-to-exercise thing for a while—and no doubt that's beneficial and all... But
to get truly superficial
I think I'm gonna need some better clothes too. Also possibly an
iPhone. And a makeover. Maybe if I hang out near Rockefeller
Center if I could get Ambush-Madeover on the KLG & Hoda show.
I don't know what they'd do about my hair though. I'm about ready
to give up on the whole "having hair" thing. All my life no one
ever told me what I was supposed to do with my hair and now I'm losing
it so there's nothing to be done
and I know the conventional wisdom is to shave it all off or cut it
really short but I can't do that because my head is such a weird shape
so I just have to go around looking dissheveled which is distressing
because I'm very superficial these days.